I agree to pay any financial obligation which I might lawfully owe on condition that you:
1. Provide validation of the debt, that is, the actual accounting.
2. Verify your claim against me by nothing less than an invoice signed by a director of your company;
3. Produce a true wet-ink copy of the CONTRACT binding me to you. Should you choose to mail this to me ensure that it is sent by recorded delivery;
4. Provide a copy of the mandate from the so-called “credit provider” or bank enabling you to make claim on their behalf. This must be signed personally by a director.
5. Furnish a valid licence number proving your status as a professional debt collector.
Until you are able to fulfill ALL of the above legally acceptable requirements, and to my complete satisfaction, you are to refrain from harassing me or I shall take corrective action against you in your personal capacity.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
(With thanks to Mark Peyton)